Rules To An Epic Life

Rule #1 to an Epic Life: Live without regret. Regret is the thing that weighs most on the mind, and the less weight, the less to hold you down.


Rule #2 to an Epic Life: "You don't achieve anything by letting the past rule within you,
Getting all pent up and angry about stuff just eats away inside you" - Scroobius Pip


Tips: 

Play EPIC instrumental music while doing normal everyday tasks such as putting away laundry, taking a deuce, and fighting your cat. I listen to epic music while eating cereal, my kitchen gets pretty messy.

Whenever you need the date and you’re at the bank or a store, ask a stranger or someone working there what the date is. Whenever they tell you the day and month, say, “What’s the year?” If they ask if you are a time traveler, either say with a serious tone and facial espression, “Yes.” Or act all uncomfortable and caught off guard and deny that you are a time traveler, and walk away nervously.

Whenever you are asked why or how you do something, and you have no legitimate answer, just reply, “Because I’m gangster” or “Because I’m cool like that.” And the best reply to any compliment is, "I try."

Produce fat beats by tapping your finger nails on a moving ceiling fan. Make it a legit rave by having a friend turn on and off the light switch rapidly.

When you find yourself in a dark parking lot, maneuver to your destination as if you are an elite commando soldier, moving from cover to cover through the shadows and avoiding being seen by “enemy armed guards” (other pedestrians). When with a group, use hand signals and code names. If anyone sees you, stay in character and move quickly, shouting out commands and enemy call-outs, throwing imaginary grenades and shooting your imaginary m4, until you get to the store or your car.

During Halloween, always wear a backup mask underneath your regular mask, just in case.

Enter a vehicle through an open window at least once a week, preferably when in a hurry or when being chased.

Remove the word “embarrassed” from your vocabulary. Don’t be afraid to burst out into song and/or dance in public randomly, especially in the company of friends.

Whenever riding slowly by groups of people, roll down your window just enough to stick your hand out and wave, as if you are a celebrity and/or royalty.

Whenever greeting a stranger, shake their hand and with a serious tone and facial expression say, “Welcome to fight club.”

As a passenger of a vehicle, roll down your window and stare intently at passing drivers and fllow them with your eyes until they are aware of you. It’s even better if you and a friend do it at the same time. Variations include to salute or thumps up passing motorists.

Always have at least 3 catch phrases ready and at your disposal. Examples are as follows: “Cool beans.” “That’s sick-nasty yo!” “I’m gangsta fresh.”  “You ain’t got no pancake mix!” “Oh sheesh y’all, ‘twas a dream.” “Have you seen my dipper? It’s the big one.” “What the F*ck sauce?!”

Live every moment with sound effects or in slow motion, depending on the situation.